On Oceans of Blue

’twas noontide of summer,
and midtime of night,
and stars, in their orbits,
shone pale, through the light
of the brighter, cold moon.
‘mid planets her slaves,
herself in the heavens,
her beam on the waves.

i gazed a while
on her cold smile;
too cold — too cold for me –
there passed, as a shroud,
a fleecy cloud,
and i turned away to thee,
proud evening star,
in they glory afar
and dearer thy beam shall be;
for joy to my heart
is the proud part
thou bearest in heaven at night,
and more i admire
thy distant fire,
than that colder, lowly light.

i am not looking for sweet
simply not bitter
i dont desire honey
simply not picante
i am not asking for wine
simply not whiskey
i dont not expect honesty
simply not lies

yet you bitter picante whiskey liar
you trap me you venus
you siren
you death
you take
and never give
you hurt
but never feel pain

but i am not looking for sweet
simply not bitter

i lost it
its gone forever
the stars
they seem to shine forever
but in the city
i lost it

when the snow falls
it falls so pretty
but in the city
the ground melts it
i lost it

the trees shadows
from the moonlight
falls so gently
but in the city
i lost it

like the ashes
from a cherry
it floats away
i lost it
its gone forever
the damned city
i lost it

worry and angst
hatred and disgust
you thrill my insides
you send me spiraling
into uncontrollable rage and pleasure
pumping anger
through my veins
filling them to burst
so i bleed
and i cant stop
i bleed anger
i bleed you
i bleed pain
i bleed blood
cus you are my blood
and you wont let me clot
wont let me heal
wont stop draining yourself
til i pass out
til they wail the sirens
til im in the hospital
and they cant make you stop
and they do all they can
to keep me alive
and then!!
then you slow down
within an inch of my life
then i scab over
then i scar over
and leak only a trickle
of bright red you
til next time you forget your platlets
til next time you dont feel like clotting
til next time you boil in my viens
and start another fire
and the doctor recommends
a transplant
get rid of you entirely
but i wont
cus i cant
for fear of my life
because you are my blood
and my body wont accept
anyone else
so ill have to bleed
out of control
every once and a while
cus you are my blood
and i need my blood

still im not done
so much locked inside
she haunts me day and night
constantly pushing her way out
somebody hear me she shouts
please someone give a damn
i know they do
heart and mind collide
people care
people pray
people ask questions
faking compassion
faking inspiration
faking all that i want
and all that i dream
and all that i wish
faking all that i stand for
people love
people fake
so many things i want to say
but who will hear me
who will not say
it will all be ok
who will feel what i feel
who will bear my pain
i dont want it to be ok
i want it to be hard
i want it to be rough
i only want the loneliness to go away
sometimes i dream
of a slow painful death
sometimes i wish
for sweet release
it makes it worth it
pain for gain
life is a wonderful thing they say
life is a beautiful dream if i may
but sometimes i want
a slow painful death
rain rain
here to stay
makes the rainbow
a glorious thing
all the clouds
they want to play
all the pain
it wants to stay
all the thunder
it wants to say
sunshine go the hell away
so bring it hard
and make it long
let me cry so tomorrow
i can shout
from rooftops into skies
i rain has finally gone away today

i feel so emo
writing about rain
and pain
and death
but i cannot change
without it
its lost
its gone away
beware
although i write sad things
i no longer feel the pain
not numb
dont worry
its jus finally gone away
out of ink now
ran the pen dry
but damn i feel better
thanks

one star in the sky
she blinks
she moves
shes blue and red and white
shes not a real star
but shes all i have
i try
i want
i need
but i simply cant have
so i watch my star
i make my wish
and i dream sweet things
i can always pretend
my one star in the sky
shes real
shes a fairy
come to spread love and cheer
and all my dreams come true
i want to be a real girl
i want to run
and play
and get dirty
but i watch my star
and reality hits
shes blue and red and white
no dream
no wish
jus a satellite
spreading information
spreading death
destruction
hatred
so ill go to sleep
and ill dream sweet things
maybe tomorrow

she may hide
she may dodge
between clouds
and rain
and a blanket
in the evening time
peak a boo
teasing
joking
playing
but life needs her
so she will never stray too long
she is the sunshine
the only sunshine
she often runs
and plays her games
she will always return
at the end of the day
she is needed
she is wanted
she is desired
she wants to be wanted
so she makes herself wanted
and always returns
when shes fully wanted
because she is the sunshine
the only sunshine
she is wanted
after every cloudy day

Always wanting anything,
Always dreading nothing,
Can’t stand the stagnant pools of routine,
I’d just love to send some ripples across the surface,
I’d stir up the depths of life and watch
The bubbling clouds of excitement spread across the surface,
I’ll dance on the unknown
And skip from chance to chance,
I see Hope and Love, not far off,
I’ll splash some life on my face and open my eyes to the unknown,
If I’d jump right in and walk as in the darkness
And smack my face on a door I forgot to open,
I’d remember not to walk that fast in a place I’d never been,
Maybe I’d ask for directions… …
But I’m throwing my hand in the air!
I’m yelling at the sky!
I’m learning the song of the stars,
A chorus so sweet and free!
I’m running wild, taking a chance
Watching the wind,
Chasing a rainbow,
You can come along if you’d like.
I would really enjoy your company

People, from black to white,
All love peace and yet they fight,
“In the name of our right!”
They yell and cheer,
Because it’s only for this
That they would shed a tear.
This fictional story they believe
To be real,
With the generic emotions
We so effortlessly feel,
It’s the truth passed over
For a superficial love,
A chosen way of life,
For the sin that they love,
Calmly and coolly they read
Through the book,
For their eyes are blurred over
With a lustful look,
The world they live in,
It’s the world they love,
A love of hatred and lies
And the sorrowful cries.
Deceit and malice
They embrace with joy
For each other,
Foolishly “wise”, hard hearts
So cold,
Problems, faced so random at best,
Superficiality as they turn
To their “brother”,
Godless chatter in settings of gold,
So peaceful at rest yet
Deadly to behold,
With their form of Godliness,
But denying it’s power,
Their glory will fall
Like
The stars in the last hour.
Can it be there’s a peace?
In this whirlwind of hatred?
A place to stand,
To speak,
To listen,
In truth,
In love.
And is it there that this void
Of life is to be filed to limit.
To be forgiven and loved,
With no condition,
I find this as truth
And with no exaggeration,
The life I have is proof
With God as its foundation.