On Oceans of Blue

another year has come and left
we say we will remember
but we all forget
it’s rather strange
how all the time goes
its runs away
and withers like the rose
we learn so much
and grow so little
some things never change
like a child’s riddle
i will quite smoking
i will eat right
i will change my habits
using my sheer might!
but it didn’t work last year
we didn’t change a thing
or overcome any fears
so why should i make a list
of goals and ambitions
that i will soon forget?
that in 12 months i will find
and halfheartedly regret?
i wont make any goals of my own
i cannot do it
as time has clearly shown
my only option for a better life
is to look above
hand over my strife
and ask for help

The fountains mingle with the river,
And the rivers with the ocean;
The winds of heaven mix forever,
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single;
All things by a law divine
In one another’s being mingle: –
Why not I with thine?

See! the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister flower would be forgiven
If it disdained its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea: –
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?

here’s my theory in full:

a truth poem, one that leaks the soul, is a living being.

he is born when my pen hits the paper.

he is dead when the flow of emotions to words stops

like a life, you can reflect on it

review it

remember it for all time

but you cannot go back in time and change it

the outcome would be different

he would die a different way

in a different place

because the rest of his life is altered by even a small coma

the butterfly effect

you cannot change your past and you cannot change a poem

it would remove truth

does that make any sense at all or am i just a rambling fool?

i am not only a rambling fool but a hypocrite

as i just re read this poem and corrected my spelling errors

such is life

I’m sitting on a porch
That I havn’t sat on in months
I’m smelling air
That I never noticed was there
I’m enjoying sunlight
That I had forgotten
Why does it take a mask
and a hospital stay
to remind me of God’s every day glory?

I watched a fly
Search for a landing pad
I watched a lady bug
Play hide and seek
I felt the bare ground
and relished the cool of the winter grass
Why does it take seclusion
and a weakening state
to remind me of God’s every day glory?

The sound of children in the distance
Of my little doggie nearby
Of the wind in the bare branches
Reminds me of my small existence
and my large impact
in God’s every day glory

I am a field trip learner
A child of stubborn persistence
I am a bull in a pen
A thick tree with deep roots
At least I look that way
Whether I am right
Or whether I am wrong
My mind cannot be changed
I take blow after blow
Until I am flat on my ass
Until I have to look up
I am made humble
It is not my own doing
I am a bull, broken
By my loving Father
And then stronger
And grateful
And humble
I am a part of God’s every day glory

I sit on a porch
That I haven’t sat on in months
Writing from a heart
That is raw and new
Dreaming from an imagination
That is wild and free
Smiling from a mouth
That is somehow shy
Watching from eyes
That are filled with wonder
At God’s every day glory

the creative bug
she climbs in my mind
spins a web
of no particular design
it’s been so long since
I’ve seen her
Felt her
known her
but she has returned
It’s all a scramble
so this will sound like a ramble
But we’ll work it out
she and I
We always do
The words are spinning
threading together
I can’t figure out how
You see, it’s out of my hands
It’s all in my mind
Which makes me sound crazy
but what artist is sane?
this creative bug
I’ve tried to satisfy her
but she has an unquenchable thirst
I’ve tried painting
I’ve tried drawing
I’ve tried writing
You see where that gets me
It gets me insane
Oh bug!
Can’t we resolve this conflict?
This inner war?
“But why would we do that for?
I help you release
I help you understand
when you’re really going loco
I bring you back to land
I know it seems like I give you the wings
but what goes up must come down
you fly and you soar
and it’s out of your system
so your feet hit the sand
and you splash in the ocean
then get back to every day business
you need me, my dear
I muddle your head
so your head will stay clear”
I hadn’t thought of it that way
I suppose it’s alright
to take a mental trip every once and a while
the layers of creativity are being pulled back
to reveal underneath
the short amount of time I will be on this earth
with both feet

Sin is not an ugly thing
At least until the consequences

Until you’re 16 and your baby cries
Until you hear the siren and the red blue lights

Until you see the disappointment in your mama’s eyes

No. Sin is not an ugly thing

Until the consequences

Satan himself was said
to be the most beautiful angel in all the land

But then he fell, thanks to pride

Now he battles Good for all time

And young love!

What a magical craze!

He gives you a ring

Promises the real thing

And you give everything

Because why wait?

It will happen one day anyway

And next month you’re late

Worry on your face

Your future is down the drain

Because he couldn’t wait

No. Sin is not an ugly thing

Until the consequences, of course

The thrill of a chase!

It’s all over Hollywood

The guns, the women, the cars!

What better way to live

Than under the radar

Racing for pinks
a robbery here and there

Going around without a care

Always living on the dare

But once, it went too far

The Law shows his ugly scar

You hit your head on the squad car

Now you live behind bars

No. Sin is not an ugly thing

Until the consequences of course

Until you’re 16 and your baby cries
Until you hear the siren and the red blue lights

Until you see the disappointment in your mama’s eyes

Sin is not an ugly thing

i love you
so i’ll make up a song
to dance with you
all night long
because i like
to step in time
to the rhythm
of our hearts

i will go out tonight
and paint the stars
our names will dance
in the heavens
i will decorate the skies
for all time with our love
i will go out tonight
and paint the stars

and i’ll make up a song
to dance with you
all night long
because i like
to step in time
to the rhythm
of our hearts

drinking hot cocoa
looking out the window
dreaming about our wedding
when i’ll be wearing white
like the ground outside

i’ll make up a song
to dance with you
all night long
because i like
to step in time
to the rhythm
of our hearts

if i could reach up and hold a star
for every time you’ve made me smile
the entire evening sky
would be in the palm of my hand

i’ll make up a song
to dance with you
all night long
because i like
to step in time
to the rhythm
of our hearts
i love you

i wore my new shoes today
shiny.
red.
killer.
dagger toes
sky high
lead inside pencil heels
my hips sway
my legs chisel
my body sings
my ego breaths
heads turn
eyes avert
and i feel
wanted
loved
desired
needed
then…
…used

i wore my new dress today
silky.
black.
killer.
ocean floor low
route 66 curves
model legs
hugged my hips
clung to my tummy
animated my body
magnified my ego
heads turn
eyes avert
and i feel like
an idol
a goddess
a beauty
an adoration
and then…
… an item

i wore my my old sweats today
blue.
worn.
tired.
stains are abundant
wrinkles are ample
age is substantial
my feet drag
my arms hang
my body hunches
my egos hides
heads turn
eyes avert
and i feel
old
ugly
repulsive
foul
and then…
… i see you
and i feel
loved
and then…
… adored

be careful
when breaking free
from a path
not to simply walk another
often new paths
are the same dirt
in different shade
in vain attempt to become separate
we become equal

be careful
when climbing
a new mountain
not to simply grasp at rocks
often new mountains
have the same valleys
on the other side
in vain attempt to escape
we remain

be careful
when swimming new rivers
not to simply dive straight in
often new rivers
flow the same water
at different speeds
in vain attempt to hide
we remain in sight

be careful
when making new decisions
often new choices
hide the same evil
in a different form
in vain attempt to set right
we remain wrong

this life
its not what i thought itd be
the plan i laid out for me
seems to be
an intricate set of pipe dreams
the path i chose for me
turned out over grown with weeds
safely keeping me
from who i thought id be
washed away my glee
giving me the feeling
of failing
when really
i am winning
really
i was given
so much more than i dreamed
really
i was given
the ability to break free
to stretch my knees
to be who i am meant to be
not what i assumed i was trapped to be
really this life is not what i thought itd be
really i can hardly remember the life i laid out for me
really its far from what my feeble eyes can see
really
i am free